Guilt
by yoyoente
Summary: Four months after Edward leaves Bella, "for her own good", Jasper feels the need to check how she's doing. What he discovers leaves him speechless. How does Edward react when Jasper finally tells him about what he saw?
1. Guilt

**Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight or any of its characters**

_**Guilt**_

**JPOV**

It was my fault. They said they don't blame me, even Bella said she didn't blame me, but I knew, in some way, that it was my fault. My family has been torn apart because Edward left her for "her own good".

We've been gone for months – four to be exact – and nothing is getting better. At first Edward was just locked in his room, refusing to even go hunting until someone would finally drag him out of his hole and force him to go.

I still shudder remembering the emotions coming off of him; I felt bad, but I had to leave the house whenever he was there, my calming waves did nothing to ease his pain and it was strong enough to slowly drive me mad. Now he is gone. I'm sure he's holed himself up somewhere else, but that doesn't change how he feels. I think he left because he felt bad about bringing the family down and thought if he wasn't around to depress everyone we'd be happier. What an idiot – him not being there is the same as him being here depressed.

Alice has lost her best friend and sister, she isn't my Alice anymore. She won't even talk to Edward anymore; I think she's still furious. I heard it took Emmett, Rose and Esme to drag her to, and hold her in, the car when they came here. Although she seems in better spirits than the rest of us, she still isn't her bouncy usual self.

Emmett is quiet. His normal booming laugh hasn't occurred since before we left. His little sister is gone and he knows she is in pain but can't do anything to help.

Rosalie is Rosalie. She's upset that our family is like this, but she's also angry: at Bella for having such an effect on the family, at Edward for being the idiot and leaving her.

Both Carlisle and Esme are upset. It's like they've lost a daughter and I know Esme is more than a little angry with Edward for leaving Bella, but she can't really argue with him about it. He thinks he knows all. What he doesn't know is that Bella became the glue that kept this family together.

I know I shouldn't, but after two months of living like this I can't help but wonder how Bella has been taking this. Alice doesn't look into her future and no one has been in contact so we don't know how anything and I think _someone_ needs to check on her – if for no other reason than to see if she's still _alive_.

On impulse I'm here. I'm back in Forks, Washington because I want to at least see how she's doing, and hopefully, properly apologize. I know seeing me may hurt her, so I do plan to look and see how she is first – try and gauge what her reaction may be – but I hope it will be fine. It's not just to ease my consciousness, at least I hope it isn't; I've convinced myself that if I see her and I can report to Edward how she is, maybe he will come back to her. Maybe our family will be whole again.

I feel kind of like Edward did when he first realized he had feelings for Bella, like a stalker. I plan to watch her for a day or so, and then figure out a way to approach her. It will also help me to get used to her scent.

I'm standing just out of human sight of Forks High School. Bella trudges to her hunk-a-junk truck through the rain and, although I'm not very close, I can't feel anything off of her. Strange… Maybe she's just blanking on emotion right now.

As I'm watching Bella prepare dinner for her father I realize I was wrong and right at the same time. It wasn't that she was just having a blank of emotions right then, it's that she's having a blank of emotions _all_ the time.

It's like she's a zombie. Her eyes are dead and she looks sick. She's much thinner than she was – can it really have been only four months ago I saw her last? – and she's even paler than I am. But those aren't the most disturbing. No, the most horrific thing is that there is nothing coming off of her. No emotions. It's like she's dead.

Every once in a while she'll flinch, pain etched across her face, and I'll feel her pain, something so strong it hits me like a tsunami wave.

Edward is in pain, a lot pain, but these bursts of torment that come from her leave him in the dust. His constant ache can't compare to the waves of hurt, unworthiness, rejection, loneliness and utter heartbreak that keep hitting me. I've never felt anything like it.

At a ridiculously early hour – 9 pm – Bella told Charlie she was going to bed. She seems to take her time getting ready for bed and I can start to feel a small amount of dread and fear emanating from her. I don't understand it. Why would anyone be afraid to go to sleep? Sleep is supposed to be a release from the conscious realm. I understand all too soon.

Soon after her breathing and heart rate even out, the emotions that had been coming off of her in small bursts, explode. There's no other description. It's like her conscious defense mechanism goes to sleep and all the pain she has been pushing away comes to eat her all at once. It's a horrifying feeling and my waves of calm I send towards her have no effect. I don't know how she can stand such agony or how she has been able to cope the past two months. I don't even know if I can stand feeling this kind of pain for the next few hours.

It's not long before panic and fear are the two most prominent emotions; another something I can't understand. These feelings are soon explained. Her screams are bone-chilling, to say the least. She has nightmares and by the fact that Charlie only half awakens to her shrieks, I can tell this is a nightly event.

Her emotions – her pain – seem to increase, if that's even possible, when she first wakes up. Amazingly, it only takes the time for her to get her breathing under control to fall back into the complete emotionless void.

I know now I can't see her. She is in so much pain already. The only simile I could use to describe it would be having ones skin torn off, in strips, piece by piece, slowly.

I'm sure seeing me would do more harm than good. What an idiot my brother is – so sure he's always right.

I left Forks without ever letting Bella be aware of my presence. Although Alice has pestered me continuously for specifics of Bella's condition, I have refused to say. Bella's emotions terrified me. I didn't realize anyone, especially a human, could live through such agony. My only hope is that my brother decides to return home sometime soon and I think of her. Maybe when he sees what he's really done, then he'll come to his senses.


	2. Truth

**A/N: **I wrote this because I got a lot of reviews regarding what Edward's reaction might be if Jasper were to tell him what he had seen. It was originally meant to be a one-shot so sadly there won't be anymore chapters, but I hope everyone likes this as much as the first chapter!

**Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight or any of its characters.**

_**Truth**_

**JPOV**

Edward was now back in Forks. We all were, actually. I hadn't seen him between my seeing Bella and him returning with her from Italy. I sometimes wondered if I should tell him how she felt during our absence anyways, but I didn't know how it could help. I knew he had seen images of her through others' minds including that mutt, but this was something more, this was what she was actually feeling, not the façade she used to try to fool people.

_Crap._

Sometimes members of our family forget Edward is a mind reader, and right now, I just have. I was so lost in deep thought that I didn't notice he was staring at me intently, willing me to answer his unspoken question, until I felt a wave of curiosity and irritation hit me.

I looked into his eyes, knowing exactly what he wanted but I decided playing dumb was the best option for this kind of situation. Singing – loudly – a song I knew would annoy Edward, I blocked my thoughts from his further scrutiny and left the room.

His irritation overrode his curiosity as he left Bella sitting on the couch to follow me.

I was panicking slightly, knowing that it was going to take a lot to convince him to back off. His voice was menacing, "Jasper…what are you hiding?"

Not sure how much of my thoughts had registered with him, I stuck to my previous act – being dumb. "I don't know what you mean Edward."

Having a furious mental argument with myself did not help in trying to block my thoughts. I knew he'd be upset, no, I take that back, he'd be absolutely _furious_ with me for coming to check on Bella. I knew what kind of pain – or at least I thought I did – this would cause him, unnecessarily. I also knew to let him know would be a kind of invasion of Bella's privacy. But the other side of me also wanted – just a little – to hurt him for the obvious pain he'd caused Bella.

I didn't show it much, and I certainly couldn't show any physical affection, but I cared about Bella as the little sister she was. Knowing what he had done to her, firsthand, and having to keep it a secret from my wife – for fear it would only hurt her more – made me very upset with him – the stupid, arrogant, smartass, selfish know-it-all.

My anger was starting to overpower my conscience and him staring daggers at me wasn't helping.

"I know you were thinking something about Bella, and how she was…when we were gone. How would you know?" He whispered furiously at me, making sure only I could hear him. "Did you come here? Back to Forks when I told you not to?!"

His accusations, though they were correct sent me over the edge. "Yes! I did!" I spat back at him, sick of his self-righteousness. "I felt slightly responsible for what happened and I wanted to see how Bella was doing!" I was yelling at him in vampire speed and pitch so Bella couldn't hear. "You left thinking everything would be fine, but I knew how she felt about you, I had felt how much she loves you, no matter how much you wanted to refuse the idea. I knew she wouldn't just be fine after you left but I gave her time. I needed to see that she wasn't hurting herself if nothing more!" I could feel the frustration, anger, and exacerbation rolling off of him, but the prominent emotion was guilt.

"What right did you have?!" He yelled back. I bristled.

"You're not the only that was hurting! You at least have to know that, right?!" By now, the curiosity coming from the members of my family told me everyone, excluding Bella, was listening to our rapid speech. "Everyone was upset we had to leave Bella, it wasn't right." I could feel his skepticism, "yes me to! Even if I can't show it like the others I do care about Bella. Knowing it was my fault, even if only partially, left a sick feeling in my stomach and I wanted to make sure she was okay. Bringing back any kind of good news would have also helped the rest of the family feel a bit better as well."

He seemed to have calmed his anger a bit by my words. "And were you able to?" His voice was small, I knew he was hoping for the answer I couldn't give and he knew I wouldn't.

"No." I whispered back, her blank eyes were haunting me in my mind. Edward's eyes snapped up, looking at me fiercely.

"What was that?" He sounded angry, tense, but I knew he was scared.

"I don't think I should tell you…it won't help anything." My conscience started crawling back up, telling me he shouldn't know.

"What do you mean it won't help anything?!" His voice was growing louder, even if Bella couldn't hear him. I could feel a panic beginning to take him over. "WHAT DID YOU SEE?!"

I averted my eyes from him. _You won't like this. _I thought at him and then proceeded to relive my day following Bella in my mind. I didn't need to feel his pain to know it was there, I could see it in his eyes. He was torn knowing he did this to her, and this was only his reaction to her as a zombie. I cringed inwardly at what his reaction would be to what came next.

Edward's eyes widened in horror as I remembered the force of her pain as Bella slept. I knew he'd be crying if he could. He flinched away from me when Bella's piercing scream echoed in my head. What he didn't know was it wasn't over.

Even though I didn't think it was possible, Edward's eyes widened even further as he watched through my mind as her pain increase when she awoke. His expression became grim when her emotions once again disappeared.

I knew he had seen what she was like through other people's eyes while he was gone, but he had never realized how much pain she had been in. I hoped now he would realize just how much she loved and needed him. He nodded at my thoughts and headed back into the room containing Bella.

She looked at him as slid next her, wrapping his arm around her waist. Bella moved into his lap, looking into his eyes, before pulling him into a kiss. I knew she was worried about him, even Edward's calm-faced façade couldn't fool Bella, but Edward visibly relaxed into the kiss. His pain seemed to fade away into his love for her.


End file.
